Hi fellas, thank you for coming to my and my buddies’ pitch. Check out our landing page at www.herbusiness.xyz, and read along as we go through our pitch.
One thing prevents women from achieving gender wage equality: they take forever to use the bathroom. All that time spent waiting in line and sitting on the can is time that could be spent climbing the corporate ladder! HerBusiness solves gender inequality by offering an app that cuts women’s bathroom time in half.
We’re a video tutorial app: we teach a woman that when she enters the stall, she should already be picking up some toilet paper in preparation for the eventual wipe. When she leaves, she should know how to open the door while simultaneously stretching one foot backward to hit the flush.
We help girls work in patented yoga postures as they perform that maneuver. With the help of toilet yoga, they waste less productive time at yoga studios and spin classes.
We’re also a meditation app. The greatest inefficiency—which by the way, also contributes to the pay gap—doesn’t actually derive from the speed and volume of pee. It comes from the time spent between sitting, and initiating urination or defecation. It’s stressful for a woman to start, especially if there’s a coworker or housemate outside. So we guide her through breathing exercises that unblock her chakras.
Women miss out on the in-bathroom networking that men do all the time with the guys in the next urinal! Since women are more talkative, let’s allow them to chat with the girls sitting in the neighboring stalls!
The network effects are endless: all the women are going to download this app to gossip about the Bachelor, share their favorite positions from Cosmo, and coordinate yoga poses in real time.
The female toilet productivity space is tremendous: if we save thirty seconds per woman per bathroom visit, we save American companies $1,423,000 worth of wasted productivity per day!
The business model is B2B SaaS. We sell to employers like Google, Uber and venture capital firms, and they offer the app as an employee wellness benefit. No one else has come into the toilet space yet, so we know it has huge untapped potential.
We’ve studied the diversity protests at Google and Uber. When we surveyed our tech executive buddies over golf, we asked, “Why are there so few women in your companies?” And they said, “Easy: biology!”
The problem with woman-specific mentoring programs is that they deny the science of why girls can’t perform like men. My mission is to help women overcome the biological barriers holding them back from becoming men.
Our first product was a pee funnel that girls clip onto themselves and carry on the go. It enabled them to pee while standing, which leads to more confidence when speaking up and negotiating their salaries. But HerBusiness turned out to be more profitable.
The road to our success was rocky. Initially, tech companies and investment banks didn’t want to pay us. Their leadership teams think it’s unfair for them to pay for an app that the majority of their workforce couldn’t use.
But when we started giving them Big Data, they came onboard immediately. It blew their minds that we can predict when the women are on their periods—which means we know when they’re PMSing. We simply combine tampon purchasing data bought from Facebook with the girls’ bathroom patterns, which we track with GPS. This data empowers men to make fairer assessments about their female co-workers.
Help women do their business by investing in our business!